March 19, 2008: We are experiencing one of those News media cycles in hyper drive again where the media feeds their insatiable hunger for sex-scandals with the Elliot Spitzer prostitution ring story. Say it with me folks: "Yahoo! Break out the champagne" This is not only a sex scandal, it is crème de la crème of all sex scandals because it involves a high-profile politician. It’s even bigger than that. It is a high profile politician who railed against prostitutes humiliating them in court when he was a D.A. Which gives us the ’hypocrite effect’, and everyone loves a good hypocrite bashing party—I know I do! When Falwell died at over 400 hundred pounds from gluttony (one of the seven deadly sins) I had a field day!—And it’s even bigger than that because the prostitute Kristen Dupre or Ashley Alexander Dupre or Ashley Youmans, depending on when you paid to have sex with her, is not only a prostitute, she’s a prostitute that charges up to $5500 per hour! Holy Crap! Folks I’m good in bed but I’m only worth fifty-five cents.

But it even gets better. Here’s where it truly gets big. She is not only a high paid prosititute, she’s also a singer. That’s right. So not only do we have a high profile politician who’s a major hypocrite involved in a sex-scandal, we have a high profile politician who’s a major hypocrite involved in a sex scandal with a woman who is a singer—who get this again: has a CD! Let’s face it, when you can combine the news elements of a high-profile politician who’s a major hypocrite involved in a sex scandal sprinkled with a heavy dose of American Idol….Holy crap this couldn’t get any better! When it comes to news this is better than a dying Pope! This is the Super Bowl with tits. That’s how good it is. Is it me or am I beginning to sound like Billy Mays for Oxy Clean?

Just think of the possibilities: Reality shows. Call-girl Video games:

Think about the sales, think about the advertising, think about the money! Now all we need to do is interview her family, friends, colleagues, teachers, people she went to school with, people who produced her, people who say they saw her buy fruit, people who sold her that bikini she’s wearing on her MySpace. Busy, busy, busy. There’s news to be made people! If you’re not on the phone, you’re unemployed. Sponsors are waiting for the ratings and this stuff sells!

"What? 6 more soldiers killed in Iraq, fine. But what size are her tits? Can we get a copy of her CD? Demo one of her songs? Is it hot? Crane collapsed in New City, killing four? Nice, but does Ms. Dupre swallow? Where are your priorities people? We have deadlines to meet. I’ll buy a case of single malt to the first person to get me her client list. What about the headline:

"Can we run with that? Has anyone found any shots of her naked? Does she have internet footage? A bitter ex? It’s ratings season folks. I want dirt and plenty of it. What? Storm kills 3 in Georgia, Glaciers shrinking at record rate? Okay…but can anyone get me a picture of a nipple?! Let’s go! What? Cocaine found in a Lexus belonging to Paris Hilton? Stop the presses! Order more champagne! Yahoo!"